Many said they wanted to see more writing, so here's a far less exciting entry than last time.

I feel like I want to start talking about sadness for a few posts. Certainly, don't worry About me - just some late night thoughts.

Some are terrific at pretending they are joyful people, but inside they can barely function. I'm not usually exceptionally happy unless preoccupied, and I haven't been for quite some time. Contentedness passes as swiftly as life itself. With each adventure winding to a close, I'm inevitably found in my apartment alone. I think I will always find myself here. Sure, there exist a few coping mechanisms, which are more battered shields that guard against the sadness for a brief period of time. Music, photography, and good company - but those never last entirely.

Deconstructionism claims that emotions only exist because they are polarized from what they are not. I tend to side with this, because as simply worded: I am sad because others are not. I've always struggled with public's perception of my life, which has garnered much ridicule from those who seek to dismantle people like me - and it works, guys. Because of my concern for how I'm perceived, if my successes are not like others successes, I'm left fighting for joy.

Joy is a crafty little trickster. It's not as tangible for some. People boast that you can grab ahold of it as if it is an commodity or good to be acquired. The placebic affect of such a venture might be successful for some, but is far more difficult for others like myself.  Many simply cannot just "choose joy", and that's alright. The concept is actually potentially offensive that such a feeling should manifest on a whim of desire when it is summoned.

I do still believe that the primary source of joy is God, but I think access to such feelings are not as attainable to all. Sad feelings exist even if you pretend they don't - which is how I've lived my life lately 😊

(I feel like ending with a smiley makes this post a bit more light hearted)

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